When Reality Hit

There are 16 years and so many memories between these photos. There are good memories and bad memories some of those came with emotional scars and others with stretch marks, some of them came with words that we wish we could unsay and actions that we wish we could undo, but those are the things that make us who we are. 

My name is Monique. His name is Petey. We will be celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary in a week and a half.  We have 4 kids together, Kenzie, Jace, LeeLee and JoJo. Petey has a son between Jace and LeeLee, his name is Jaydon. He didn't come from my womb, but he sure does belong in my heart. He part of us... part of our story.  We also have an angel baby... his name is Jon. He may not be with us and we don't really talk about him but he's still a part of us. Carrying those babies in my womb, bringing life into this world, were the most amazing moments of my life. They are also a HUGE part of why I am where I am.

You see, I don't remember the night we took that first picture, but I clearly remember the night we took the last. It was in December. We were at the zoo with all of our kiddos. Our oldest took the picture for us. I remember deciding not to put on make up because it was so cold out. I remember making sure my hat matched what I was wearing. I remember having fun. When we took this picture I wanted to be closer to him but I felt like I was way too big to get closer. Seeing this picture made that feeling worse.  I walked around the rest of the night with a weight on my shoulders. While I'm sure the coat added to the "too big" feeling I also knew it was time for a change.  

The next morning I weighed myself... 206.8lbs

I was disgusted with myself because the girl in the 1st picture weighed 118lbs.  The disgust quickly turned to a bit of depression and I made my way to the kitchen to bake Christmas cookies and drink coffee. I didn't have the will or the want to change things, not right then. I focused on making the most out of the Christmas season with the kids and ate every little snack I was offered. I put my weight out of my mind and I kept the thought of making Christmas "Magical" in the front of my thoughts.  I made sure to stay out of every picture we took for the rest of the season. I didn't want to see myself... yes I realize that I may have missed out on documenting some of the memories that were made, but I was okay with that. Because I wasn't going to be pictured looking like that anymore... at least not without knowing I was doing something to fix it!