The Weight of the World

This was taken the day after I found out I was pregnant with Jon. I weighed 135lbs

I keep going back and forth in my head about deleting the story of Jon... But that pregnancy was hard on me both mentally and physically. My way of coping with the depression that came along with the loss of my baby was eating. I mean, I prayed for healing and I prayed for closure. I prayed to get pregnant again. I know God heard me, but I also know that I took those things into my own hands and I ate to feel better. 

At the beginning of that pregnancy, I weighed 135 pounds, I gained 20 during the pregnancy itself, and after I lost him I gained another 20.

I don’t have many words for this time of my life. That is why the last post was shared the way it was. I can’t find words to describe the whole experience.  Jesus held me those many weeks, and he counted my every tear. I know He was with me, I know I wasn’t alone.

But because I have a lack of words for this time, I will document the weight gain I experienced in pictures.

These were taken the morning of November 14^th.  I spent the next few days in that exact spot. Petey spent the next few days taking care of me and the kids. These were actually the last pictures I took with me in them for a few weeks.

These were taken on my birthday, I was getting ready to go out to dinner with my little family to celebrate. I remember hating how I looked in the mirror. I remember trying to smile… I also remember little Kenzie coming to my rescue and making me laugh so hard I started crying. That’s when we took the last photo.

I can tell you this… no matter how hard it was to deal with the emotions of having a miscarriage these two always gave me the “want to” that I needed to get out of bed and be the best mommy I could be to them.